The Bible asks us to abstain, but why exactly? What are the benefits and reasons for abstinence?
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The 3 levels of abstinence
If you ever wondered : YES masturbation is a sin that you should avoid while practicing abstinence.
Out of love and obedience for God
1 Corinthians 6:18
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.
Romans 12:1
Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.
The Bible recognizes sexual immorality as a separate sin, where the injured person is yourself. It recognizes our body as a temple, the dwelling place of God which must be honored with abstinence. To abstain is to celebrate and respect your own body; it is also a form of offering that you give to God. Being in alignment with God also gives inner peace.
1 John 5:3
In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands.
Your love for the Lord must lead you to obedience and submission to his will.
Through abstinence, God wants you to trust him, and especially to teach you to depend on him to resist your flesh.
To be dedicated to you and God
Singleness must go hand and hand with abstinence. By the way, you are single if you are a widow, engaged, separated, cohabitating, divorced.
1 Corinthians 7:34
An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband.
This verse sums it all but yet is not really preached on in church. God desires our sanctification of the flesh and the spirit: it is a bride consecration since the Church is the Bride of Christ.
The Bible mentions « the Lord’s affairs », meaning the advancement of his Kingdom.
Refraining from sex allows you to focus on serving God and on your calling: what are your talents, what does God want you to do for him, what is your burden?
Abstinence also develops discipline, especially in your work/studies. It is also an opportunity to do an introspection on yourself: learn to be alone, to know what you want, what you are worth, what you have to offer apart from your physique, your Instagram posts and selfies…
Having sex before marriage can be a distraction
Some women, for example, go from relationship after relationship because they are unable to stay alone; they are constantly seeking men attention and validation. They flirt and manipulate with their bodies, they avoid to face themselves and their insecurities.
Refraining from sex allows you to set the record straight, to remember what God says about you, to see you through the mirror of God and not of men, and develop Christ-based
self-confidence. It’s a time of communion with God who will teach you about your character.
To avoid night demons and soul ties
1 Corinthians 6:16-17
Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit
Out of wedlock relationships are the favorite gateway of demons, it is a spiritual transaction.
Not only are you sleeping with that person, but also with everyone they’ve been with before.
Note here that the Bible uses the verb to unit which confirms that a link is created.
If you don’t believe the Bible, even science says it: When a woman has an orgasm, her body secretes oxytocin. This is the same hormone that is created when breastfeeding: its purpose is to create a bond between two people.
We often commonly say, « to have someone under your skin ». It’s like gluing 2 sheets of paper together and then trying to tear them: you will always find pieces of sheet A on sheet B and of sheet B on sheet A.
To avoid sexually transmitted diseases
You can’t talk about abstinence without talking about STDs, STIs and HIV
Relationships outside marriage are not without risks. Even by protecting yourself, zero risk does not exist. Some of these illnesses are mild, but others change your life forever. So your choices influence not only your life, but also future generations.
To avoid undesired pregnancies
Every child is of course a blessing from the Lord, but when a baby is born in a marriage, things tend to be a bit more structured. Children with two present parents are less likely to experience poverty and to divorce themselves. Controlling your intimate life is controlling your future because some men leave once you get pregnant and you find yourself alone taking care of the child. It will be more complicated to study or start a business because a lot of your time and money will be spent on the child.
However, there are couples who succeed because NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE TO GOD, and NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE TO ONE WHO BELIEVES if it is currently your situation do not be in despair nor condemnation!
To have discernement for the choice of the partner
Galatians 6:8
Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.
The more time you spend with God, the more you weaken your flesh, the more you recognize his voice, and the more you develop discernment in your everyday choices, and especially the choice of your spouse.
Sometimes relationships outside marriage cloud judgment and push back important discussions by making you believe that this is the right person even when they are toxic. That’s how some women stay years and years with the wrong guy. By removing the physical from the relationship for the choice of the spouse, God will validate the person not your flesh nor your heart.
If we took the physical intimacy out of the relationship RIGHT NOW: would you find the person likable and interesting, could you even have a conversation for several hours? Give it a try, and you’ll see that it may reveal some unresolved conflicts that you didn’t handle because you were busy doing the « nasty »…
Abstinence lets you know if it’s just lust or real love and what the person’s intentions are.
Romans 12:2
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
The world will tell you « you gotta try before you buy » (don’t you hate it?!) but let me tell your value is not linked to your physique and what you are willing to do with it or not!
If a person wants to have sex with you before marriage, it may be the wrong person for you as a Christian. If you are rejected because of this choice, bless the person and move on, because they have shown you their intentions and saved you time.
Men’s rejection is God’s protection. It is more beneficial to include God from the start than to invest years, energy, and feelings in a relationship that God has never originally approved.
For a lasting marriage
Genesis 2:23
The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh;
Bone is the character and flesh is the physical. When it comes to marriage, outside beauty attracts, but inner beauty makes you a keeper. God will give you what you need, not necessarily what you want. Sometimes he makes gifts that don’t have the packaging to look exactly what you want, but the inside is exactly what you need.
Abstinence allows you to have intentional dating: we are dating to see if it can lead to marriage, not to avoid loneliness nor to pass time.
Abstinence is not the perfect formula for a fulfilled marriage, but it lays a healthy foundation which is obedience to God, communication and non-physical intimacy.
Also, the discipline that you will practice while abstaining is exactly the same that you will need when married because temptations will not go away.
Here’s my video on the topic (EN subtitles)
For My Soul Sistas 